I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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