I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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