WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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