I heard we made out
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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