so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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