So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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