So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
