and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
