i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
