i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
