she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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