he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
