Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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