So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
