After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
