I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
