he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
