Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
