I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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