Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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