tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
