If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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