Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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