ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We need to rekindle our bromance
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
