I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
