i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
