I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
