we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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