But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
