We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
