Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
