What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
