"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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