I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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