Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
