we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
