So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Terrible idea I love it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
