if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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