1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
