So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
