she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
