he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
