I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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