Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
