I must be too annoying 4 u.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
