I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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