I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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