He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
