1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
