I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What drink are we having for lunch?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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