i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
