Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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