3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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