We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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