My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
