we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
