I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My cat gives me a boner
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
