I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
