hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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