the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
