You just made me feel so damn special
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
