Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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