He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't notice because vodka
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
