This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
