i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
