I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
