she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
