Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
