Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
