tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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