I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
