her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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