pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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