i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
