Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
