New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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