ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize