she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dignity is for republicans.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
40s are totally the cure
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
