just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize