with your own penis?
Non-Jews are for practice
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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