My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
