You smell like stripper and shame
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
