I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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