Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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