apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
