just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
