I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
