went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize