Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
