Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
