the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
