fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
