I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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