My friends, they love my intelligence
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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