Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
