; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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